Organized parenting. Well, regular parenting. Alright, organized chaos. Fine, it's regular chaos.

I used to know everything there was to know about raising a child.  Then I became a mom.

On July 7th, 2010, my daughter Isla was born.  I was as prepared as anyone in the history of the world.  My vast experience in child rearing (babysitting, friends with kids, and countless observations conducted on checkout lines at Stop and Shop) helped me to create a plan.  Our days would be methodical, organized, and Zen.  I was going to be a cross between June Cleaver and Gandhi.

That was the plan.  Now I know I might as well have spent my time planning the weather.

My five step plan stressed positivity, sleep, and health.

Step 1: Isla's nursery is her retreat.  This will introduce independence and she will spend her nights in there.  We will all be well rested to start our days bright, early, and fresh.

The result?  She sleeps in "Daddy's bed" as she calls it, although it is equally my bed.  "Equally" meaning I get the left quarter, he gets the right quarter, and she takes the remaining half.  This allows her to fit perpendicularly between us.  I spend most nights with her right foot implanted in my left cheek.  Her father is learning to sleep through the beatings.  It's  a slow adjustment, but it seems to be allowing us both a solid 3 hours of sleep per night.

Step 2: Be back at pre-baby weight in 6 months.  I will attend yoga, pilates, and kickboxing at the gym.  Isla will enjoy the daycare they provide.

The result?  She's three, and I am currently wearing maternity pants from her pregnancy.  As for my trips to the gym, I could usually complete a solid 5 to 8 minutes per class. At that point, I would be summoned by one of the daycare workers because a tiny tyrant stole a toy she was playing with, that we also have at our house (but that she doesn't care about when we are home.)

Step 3: Respect other families' peace in public

The result?  Today's trip to Whole Foods took place during what should have been naptime.  By the time we got to the earth friendly cleaning products, her freak-out could be heard in the bulk grains aisle.  A twenty minute conversation with the man behind us at the register ended with her telling him "Wow, you must have a lot of babies in your belly."

Step 4: Our home will be our respite.  A place for everything, and everything in its place.  All of our friends and family are encouraged to pop in with no notice so they can marvel at my ability to keep a home.

The result?  We haven't seen the living room floor in 8 months but we are confident it still exists.  When someone knocks on the door, we hide in the kitchen.

Step 5: Gourmet meals will be prepared nightly by me.  This will most likely require an apron as I will be in a cute outfit for when my husband gets home from work.

The result?  You'll have to excuse me.  I just spilled juice on my yoga pants and the pizza will be here any minute.

So, as you can see my plan was solid, but the execution may need a little work.  I like to call it a plan in progress. We are happy, though, and I wouldn't plan it any other way.